📦 Shipping update: we’re not delivering your parcel because you checked the tracking page too much and we got shy about it
(via nicopetty)
the only time a man has ever been funny is when frank iero said jesus christ could you use a more unattractive picture of me to that tweet from digital tour bus
I like this tweet more than any song hes released
(via walrusberries)
tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva:
me normally: i’m not personally a huge fan of modern art
me around right wingers: I love modern art sooooo much and I think there should be litter boxes in schools also
fucking obliterated lmao
(via toesuckler)
“violence doesn’t have to be the answer” wrong. Shrimp attack 🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐
(via walrusberries)
i have no words. worlds first terf monk returns from a thirty year hibernation on top of a mountain i guess.
(via toesuckler)
: <- a bite mark
easy website
me calming down my vampire horse named website
(via walrusberries)
theworsethingsgettheharderifight:
Ever heard a bass riff so good you can feel it in your actually I don’t think I can say that in public
I will.
U feel it in ur pussy
(via walrusberries)
your child was a pleasure to have in class and a dark, tortured genius
(via cadaverkeys)
MCR fans getting scared they’ll announce something on Halloween every year is like that tweet about that dog who found pie in a bush one time and now has to check the bush for pie every time just in case
what if there’s pie this time
(via walrusberries)
guy who listens to tool: hey man you ever listened to tool?
guy who lives near a construction site:
(via toesuckler)
oh you wanted chocolate atop your boston cream donut? too bad. that chocolate is for the paper bag you stupud bitch
(via toesuckler)
my dealer: got some straight gas this strain is called “the trojan war” you’ll be zonked out of your gourd
me: yeah whatever i don’t feel shit
5 minutes later: dude i swear i just heard some greek soldiers in that wooden horse
my buddy ilioneus pacing: cassandra is lying to us
(via 6np)
when your cat licks his paw…then rubs his head with the paw… wow….that’s his shmapoo and conditioner…..
(via toesuckler)
he breasted the boulder boobily up the hill…
one must imagine sisyphus big naturals
I wish I was taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish my cat had a phone I would call her.
(via toesuckler)